Raising Gifted Kids: What Parents Want to Know

Julie Church
7 days ago
6 min read

The Myth of Gifted = High Achievement

By Danielle Sullivan, Ed.D.

Here’s something most parents of gifted kids experience at least once:

Someone hears the word gifted and says, “Oh wow — so your child must be doing amazing in school!” or “Your kid never struggles, so you don’t understand…”

And you stand there wondering how to explain the truth: Your gifted child might get stuck, avoid tasks, lose papers, procrastinate, melt down over writing, or refuse work that feels meaningless. They may ace a concept one day and forget a simple direction the next.

Meanwhile, everyone assumes giftedness equals achievement — neatly, consistently, effortlessly.

But here’s the reality:

Gifted does not mean high-achieving.

It never has.It never will.

Save this article for the moments when someone misunderstands your child — or when you need a reminder that you’re not doing anything wrong.

Why This Matters

This myth is painful for both kids and parents. Gifted kids often internalize the message that they should:

always excel
never struggle
produce perfect work
meet invisible standards
make things look easy

When they can’t, they assume something is wrong with them.

Parents, meanwhile, are left defending a child who is brilliant but inconsistent, perceptive but overwhelmed, advanced but vulnerable. Understanding the difference between giftedness and achievement helps everyone breathe.

1. Giftedness Describes Wiring — Not Work Output

Giftedness is about:

how a child thinks
how quickly they learn
how deeply they process
how intensely they feel
how broadly they connect ideas

Achievement is about:

stamina
organization
persistence
grading systems
executive function
opportunities for challenge
emotional readiness

These are not the same.

Shareable insight: Giftedness is potential. Achievement is performance. They don’t always match — and that’s normal.

2. Advanced Thinking + Typical Executive Function = A Spiky Profile

A gifted child might understand complex concepts long before their brain can manage:

planning
task initiation
multi-step directions
error tolerance
clean handwriting
attention to detail

This mismatch creates the illusion of “inconsistency.”

It’s not inconsistency. It’s development happening at different speeds.

Sticky line: Gifted kids think like older students but organize like younger ones.

3. Boredom Isn’t Laziness — It’s a Sign of Under-Challenge

Gifted kids disengage faster than typical learners when:

tasks are repetitive
pace is too slow
content lacks depth
assignments feel meaningless
creativity isn’t allowed

They need complexity to stay motivated. A bored gifted learner often looks unmotivated — but they’re actually unfulfilled.

Line to screenshot: Gifted kids don’t resist effort — they resist pointless effort.

4. Perfectionism Can Look Like Avoidance

Many gifted kids won’t attempt a task unless they know they can do it well. When they fear imperfection, they may:

procrastinate
refuse assignments
freeze
cry
erase excessively
start over
turn in nothing

Adults often misinterpret this as laziness. It’s actually fear of failure mixed with high internal standards.

Save-worthy truth: Avoidance is not a lack of ability. It’s a fear of falling short.

5. Achievement Depends on Environment — Not Just Ability

A gifted child may thrive in one classroom and struggle in another depending on:

teacher expectations
peer group
instructional methods
opportunities for enrichment
emotional climate
availability of challenge
sense of belonging

Giftedness isn’t a guarantee of success. It’s a need for support.

Share this line: Achievement grows in the right conditions. Without them, giftedness stays hidden.

What You Can Do as a Parent

Here are practical ways to counter the myth and support your child’s real needs — without adding pressure:

✔ Separate the child from the myth.

Say things like:

“Being gifted doesn’t mean being perfect.”
“Your mind works differently — that’s all the label is saying.”

This helps children understand giftedness as wiring, not responsibility.

✔ Normalize uneven growth.

Use phrases that take shame out of the equation:

“Everyone grows unevenly.”
“Your brain is ahead in some areas and still catching up in others — that’s normal.”

This helps kids understand asynchrony without feeling defective.

✔ Praise process, not speed or talent.

Shift from:

“You’re so smart!” to
“I noticed how you stuck with that part even when it was boring.”
“You found a strategy that worked — that’s great thinking.”

This builds resilience instead of pressure.

✔ Match challenge to readiness (here’s how).

Instead of assuming your child “just needs harder work,” try this step-by-step approach:

1. Watch for signs of under-challenge:

rushing
daydreaming
refusing repetitive work
finishing quickly but looking unsatisfied

2. Watch for signs of over-challenge:

tears
shutting down
erasing excessively
fear of starting
perfectionistic paralysis

3. Adjust the challenge by making the work more meaningful, not heavier: At home, you can add:

a real-world connection (“Where would this matter in real life?”)
a twist (“What if you solved this a completely different way?”)
a creative extension (“What would this look like as a comic strip or diagram?”)
a comparison (“How is this similar to something you’ve learned before?”)

4. Use questions that deepen thinking while reducing overwhelm:

“What’s one part you’re curious about?”
“What pattern do you notice?”
“What’s the smallest step you can take to get started?”

Matching challenge to readiness isn’t about more work — it’s about meaningful work.

✔ Model imperfection openly.

Let your child watch you:

make a mistake
adjust
try again later

Show them that effort + imperfection = learning.

Fridge-Worthy Takeaway (Screenshot-Ready)

THE MYTH OF “GIFTED = HIGH-ACHIEVING”

Giftedness describes wiring, not output.
Executive function lags behind advanced thinking.
Boredom signals under-challenge, not laziness.
Perfectionism often looks like avoidance.
Achievement requires emotional readiness and the right environment.

Gifted kids don’t need to “perform” their giftedness — they need support to grow into it.

Before You Go — A Quiet Invitation

If this article helped you breathe easier, you’re not alone. Every week, we share one honest, heart-centered article to help families understand the real experiences of gifted learners.

And if you know a parent who feels pressure for their gifted child to “achieve more,” please forward this to them. It might ease the weight they’ve been quietly carrying.

If you’d like to create a comment, would you share with us which part of this article challenged or reframed the way you think about achievement and giftedness?

Join Us in Concord

If you’re a parent, caregiver, or guardian of a gifted learner, we invite you to join us for Through the Looking Glass: Parenting Gifted Learners on Friday, March 13, 2026, in Concord, NC.

This morning event is designed specifically for families and will take place alongside the 51st Annual NCAGT Conference. You’ll hear from Dr. Emily King, a child psychologist with over 20 years of experience, and choose from sessions focused on understanding gifted development, navigating IEPs and DEPs, and supporting your child both academically and emotionally.

Whether you’re looking for practical tools, reassurance, or connection with other families who understand this journey, this event is for you. We hope to see you there.

👉 Learn more and register here: https://www.ncagt.org/event-details/through-the-looking-glass-parenting-gifted-learners

Check out other articles in this series:

Foundational Myths & Mindshifts (Weeks 1–4)

Week 1 — The Myth of “They’ll Be Fine”

Sets the tone: validating, myth-busting, and emotionally grounding for parents.

Week 2 — What Challenge Really Looks Like for Gifted Kids

Helps parents recognize real cognitive engagement vs. busywork or perfectionism.

Week 3 — Finding Your People

Addresses parent isolation and introduces the idea that community matters

Week 4 — When School Isn’t Enough

Positions NCAGT as a guide for parents navigating supplemental challenge and advocacy.

Understanding How Giftedness Really Works (Weeks 5–8)