Raising Gifted Kids: What Parents Want to Know #2

Julie Church
21 hours ago
9 min read

What Challenge Really Looks Like for Gifted Kids

By Danielle Sullivan, Ed.D.

Maybe you’ve heard it: “I’m bored.” Or, “Do I have to go to school today?”

Some gifted kids don’t say anything at all—they just get creative with their waiting. They doodle in the margins, flick paper footballs, or build tiny worlds out of erasers and pencils while the rest of the class catches up.

On paper, everything looks fine—good grades, quick work, neat answers. But inside, many gifted kids are silently asking a very different question: “When do I actually get to learn?”

That’s where one of the biggest misunderstandings begins.

When gifted students finish early or seem “too smart to need help,” adults often assume the answer is to add more work. If they’re racing ahead, give them extra pages. If they’re not challenged, pile on another project.

But “more” doesn’t mean “challenging.” It just means more of the same.

Real challenge isn’t about quantity—it’s about quality. It’s about thinking in new ways, making unexpected connections, and feeling proud of growth—not just speed or the ability to turn in worksheets.

When gifted kids experience that kind of challenge, they don’t just stay busy—they light up.

What Challenge Doesn’t Look Like

It’s easy to mistake busy for challenged.

Many of us grew up believing that being a “good student” meant finishing first, having perfect handwriting, or getting straight A’s. When we see our gifted children doing the same, it’s comforting — even familiar.

But what if what we learned to call “challenge” wasn’t really challenge at all?

Think back: Did you ever finish early and get more of the same work? Did you ever tutor other kids instead of learning something new yourself? Did you ever get praised for how fast you were, not how deeply you thought?

That same pattern quietly repeats for gifted kids today. When they finish early, we give them extra worksheets. When they understand quickly, we ask them to help others. When they behave or produce neat work, we assume they’re fine.

But for gifted learners, these “extras” can feel like busywork — or worse, like being penalized for being ready to move forward. It teaches them that learning is about waiting and compliance, not curiosity and courage.

Challenge doesn’t look like:

Extra worksheets after finishing early (Example: “You’re done already? Here—do these ten more problems.”)
Serving as the class tutor instead of learning new material (Example: “Can you go help James with his work while the rest of us finish?”)
Homework overload (Example: assigning two hours of repetitive practice that takes away time for play, creativity, or family—quantity over quality.)
Speed alone (doing the same thing faster) (Example: racing through multiplication facts but never applying math to real problems.)

But it can also look more subtle:

A child who aces every test and begins to define success as easy.
A student who gets anxious when something isn’t instant, because they’ve never had to struggle.
A perfectionist who tears up their paper because a single mistake feels like failure.
A curious child who stops asking questions because the class moves too slowly.
A student who pretends not to care, because caring without challenge just feels lonely.

Many parents recognize these moments because they lived them, too.

They remember finishing early, being told to help others, or getting “bonus” work instead of something new. These experiences shape how we define “challenge”—and how the cycle continues.

Those routines keep kids busy, but they don’t keep them learning. They can even send an unintended message: that gifted kids must earn the right to be challenged.

The true challenge isn’t about how much work a child can complete—it’s about how deeply they can think.

Why This Myth Persists

The truth is, most adults aren’t trying to deny gifted kids a challenge. We’re repeating what we experienced.

Many parents and teachers grew up in classrooms that rewarded speed and accuracy—not deep thinking. If you finished early, you got extra work. If you made it look easy, you were praised for being “smart.” That old pattern quietly taught all of us that challenge meant more, not different.

And it wasn’t just school sending that message. Our culture has long celebrated quick answers over complex thinking. Game shows like Jeopardy! and The Weakest Link glorify speed and recall—the person who answers fastest wins. Movies and TV often show the “smart kid” as the one who blurts out facts or finishes everyone’s sentences, not the one who wrestles with uncertainty or asks thoughtful questions.

So, it makes sense that we equate intelligence with immediacy. We’ve been trained to admire those who already know, not those who are still figuring it out.

What happens when something isn’t easy anymore?

That’s when gifted kids (and the adults they become) can hit a wall. They’ve been told their whole lives that being smart means never struggling, so when real difficulty shows up, it feels like failure instead of growth.

Add to that today’s reality: busy classrooms, packed schedules, and pressure to show quick results. It’s no wonder teachers and parents reach for the easiest visible fix—more work, more practice, more proof of learning. It feels safer than slowing down and asking, “What kind of thinking would stretch this child?”

But continuing the “more means challenge” myth keeps gifted students stuck in the same loop of boredom, perfectionism, and underdeveloped resilience that many adults still remember from their own childhoods.

The good news? Once we recognize the pattern, we can break it. Challenge doesn’t have to mean exhaustion—it can mean excitement.

What Challenge Does Look Like

If “busy” and “fast” don’t equal challenge, then what does?

For gifted kids, true challenge feels different. It’s not about doing more—it’s about thinking deeper. It’s when the work finally asks them to slow down, wrestle with uncertainty, and realize that effort isn’t a flaw—it’s fuel.

Real challenge happens when gifted learners:

Face problems with no single right answer (Example: designing a solution to reduce cafeteria waste, where creativity matters as much as accuracy.)
Connect ideas across subjects (Example: using data from a science experiment to create a graph in math, then writing about the findings in ELA.)
Ask “what if” questions and test out their own ideas (Example: “What if gravity worked differently on Mars? How would buildings have to change?”)
Struggle productively—the work feels hard at first, but they learn by persisting (Example: tackling a tough logic puzzle, getting frustrated, then feeling proud when they finally solve it.)
Feel proud of growth, not just speed or grades (Example: saying, “I didn’t get it right away, but I learned a lot,” instead of “That was easy.”)

But “challenge” isn’t always academic.

It can also mean:

Standing up for an idea that others don’t understand yet.
Creating something original and risking that it might fail.
Working with people who think differently and finding value in that tension.

When gifted kids experience this kind of challenge, they don’t just get better at schoolwork—they get better at being learners. They develop resilience, curiosity, and confidence.

That’s the difference between working hard and growing stronger.

Why It Matters

Without real challenge, gifted kids can start to believe some dangerous things.

They might begin to think:

If I’m smart, everything should come easily.
If something is hard, something must be wrong with me.
If I don’t finish first, I’ve failed.

When school feels like a series of tasks they can complete with little effort, gifted learners don’t build the habits that lead to lasting growth. They learn to play it safe—to stay where things feel easy and success is guaranteed.

Then, the first time they do struggle, it can feel terrifying. A single low grade, a tough class, or a moment of confusion can shake their confidence to the core.

But when gifted kids experience healthy challenges—when they wrestle with ideas, test limits, and stick with something difficult—they build more than academic skill. They develop resilience, creativity, and self-trust. They learn that being gifted isn’t about never needing help—it’s about knowing how to keep going when things get tough.

In that moment, challenge stops being something to avoid. It becomes something to seek.

What Parents Can Do

You don’t have to rewrite the curriculum to help your child find a real challenge. You just have to create space for curiosity, creativity, and safe struggle—inside and outside of school.

Parents can’t control every classroom assignment, but you can help your child reframe what “hard” means. Challenge doesn’t have to feel like pressure—it can feel like discovery. And discovery can happen in many parts of a child’s world: academic, social, creative, and emotional.

Here are some ways to nurture that balance:

Ask different questions. Instead of “Did you get good grades?” try, “What is something you learned today?” or “What made you think in a new way?” These questions teach kids to value thinking, not just results.
Notice the difference between busy and engaged. Engagement has energy—questions, laughter, deep focus, or even frustration that leads to discovery. Busyness looks flat: finishing fast, checking boxes, or counting minutes. When you spot that spark of true curiosity, name it: “I can tell you’re really thinking hard about this.” If that spark is missing, ask, “What would make this feel more interesting to you?”
Encourage safe struggle. When your child says, “This is too hard,” resist stepping in to fix it right away. Try: “Hard means your brain is growing. Let’s see what happens if you keep going a little longer.” Over time, this helps them see effort as part of learning, not a sign of failure.
Use home as a ‘challenge lab.’ Let curiosity drive the learning that happens beyond school. Try a tricky recipe, tackle a repair project, learn a dance, build something, or recreate a family story together. These experiences teach persistence and creativity in ways no worksheet can.
Stretch empathy and perspective. Encourage your child to listen to ideas that differ from their own, notice other problem-solving styles, or see challenges through someone else’s eyes. Real-world challenge isn’t just about intellect—it’s also about understanding people.
Partner with teachers gently. You know your child’s passions. Teachers know how to guide that energy through the curriculum. When those two perspectives meet, real learning happens. Try asking:
“My child has been really interested in ___ lately. How do you weave students’ interests into your lessons?”
“When a student already understands a concept, how do you adjust what comes next so they can keep growing?”
“How can I support what you’re doing at home so challenge feels exciting, not overwhelming?” These questions open doors for collaboration and show that you value the teacher’s expertise while sharing what you know about your child.
Model lifelong learning and courage. Let your child see you attempt hard things—learning a skill, managing a setback, or recovering from a mistake. It normalizes the idea that growth is continuous, even for adults.
Celebrate persistence, not perfection. Notice the process, not just the product: “I love how you kept trying,” or “You didn’t give up, even when it got tough.” Small acknowledgments like that build the resilience and confidence that fuel lifelong learning.

When gifted kids see challenges modeled across all parts of life—intellectual, emotional, and personal—they learn that growth is everywhere. And that’s what helps them become not just high achievers, but wholehearted learners.

The Bottom Line

We’ve been told that challenge means more work. But for gifted kids, more isn’t better—better is better.

True challenge is when learning feels alive—when a question doesn’t have a quick answer, when curiosity wins over certainty, when effort turns into pride.

When adults—parents and teachers alike—stop rewarding speed and start celebrating depth, gifted children learn something bigger than academics: They learn how to think boldly, risk bravely, and grow with purpose.

You don’t have to change everything overnight. Start small. Ask one new question at the dinner table, try one of the conversation starters in the article, or bring one new question to your next teacher conference. Every small step helps your child see that real growth lives in curiosity, not perfection.

Because gifted kids don’t need to race ahead. They need room to grow deep roots.

✨ Parent to Parent: How do you know when your child is truly being challenged? Share your story in the comments—we’d love to hear it.

What’s one moment this week when you saw your child truly thinking deeply? Share it in the comments — your story might spark someone else’s idea.

What’s one small step you’ll try this week to make learning more meaningful for your child? Share it in the comments—you might inspire someone else to take that step, too.

#GiftedParenting #NCAGT #RaisingGiftedKidsNC

🌟 Challenge Questions for Gifted Kids (fridge worthy)

(Simple prompts you can keep on the fridge, in the car, or at the dinner table)

You don’t need a lesson plan to spark meaningful conversations about learning. Try one or two of these questions at dinner, in the car, or before bed. They help kids notice when they’re growing — not just finishing.

Instead of asking: “How was school today?”

Try asking:

“What made you curious today?”
“When did you have to keep trying even though you wanted to stop?”
“Was there a moment when something finally ‘clicked’ after feeling confusing?”
“What’s one question you asked — or wish you had asked — in class?”
“Did anything surprise you today?”
“Who challenged your thinking in a good way?”
“When did you feel proud of learning something the hard way?”
“Did you help someone else learn something? How did that feel?”
“What’s something you’d like to learn more about, just for fun?”
“When did you use creativity or imagination to solve a problem?”

✨ Bonus prompt for families: At the end of the week, take turns answering:

“What was one moment this week when you learned something about yourself?”

These small, consistent conversations show kids that challenge isn’t just about schoolwork — it’s about curiosity, courage, and connection.