Raising Gifted Kids: What Parents Want to Know

Julie Church
Jan 13
6 min read

Why Gifted Kids Sometimes Struggle

By Danielle Sullivan, Ed.D.

If you’ve ever looked at your gifted child and thought, “Why is something that seems so simple… so hard for them?” — you’re not alone. In fact, most parents of gifted learners quietly carry this same question, but almost no one says it out loud.

Here’s the truth that popular culture rarely explains: Gifted kids don’t struggle in spite of their giftedness. Sometimes they struggle because of it.

This is the article parents tell us they “wish they’d had years earlier.” Save it. Share it. Revisit it when you need a reminder.

1. Asynchronous Development: When the Mind Runs Ahead of Everything Else

Gifted kids almost never grow in a straight line. Their cognitive age might be 12… while their emotional age feels closer to 8… and their executive function skills hover around 6.

This mismatch creates moments that feel like contradictions:

A child who can debate philosophical questions… but falls apart when they can’t find their shoes.
A tween who reads high-school novels… but panics over a group assignment.
A middle schooler who grasps complex science concepts… but forgets to turn in homework.

It’s not defiance. It’s development — just not all at the same pace.

Save this line: Asynchrony doesn’t mean “immature.” It means “developing at different speeds.”

2. Masking: When They Hide the Parts That Feel “Too Much”

Many gifted kids learn early that their intensity, curiosity, vocabulary, or speed can make other kids uncomfortable. So they “dial themselves down.”

Signs of masking include:

Pretending they don’t know an answer
Avoiding challenge to look “normal”
Mimicking peers to blend in
Staying quiet in class even when they’re curious
Downplaying their interests or passions

Masking is exhausting — and it can look like anxiety, withdrawal, or “laziness” when it’s really self-protection.

Shareable insight: Gifted kids don’t want to stand out — they want to belong. Masking is their way of choosing belonging over authenticity.

3. Boredom: Not the “I’m Lazy” Kind — the “I Can’t Stay Engaged” Kind

Gifted boredom isn’t typical boredom. It’s what happens when the mind needs complexity, novelty, or meaning — and doesn’t get it.

Typical signs include:

Rushing through work
Daydreaming
Perfectionistic refusal (“If I can’t make this interesting, I won’t do it”)
Asking deep questions at “off” moments
Meltdowns before homework on repetitive tasks

This is not a character flaw. It’s a misalignment between the child’s readiness and the task.

Save-worthy reminder: Boredom isn’t a problem inside the child — it’s a mismatch between ability and opportunity.

4. Uneven Profiles: Strengths That Outpace Skills

Gifted kids often have “spiky” profiles — incredible strength in some areas and real difficulty in others.

Common combinations:

Advanced reasoning + weak handwriting
High verbal ability + difficulty with multi-step directions
Creative thinking + poor task initiation
Deep empathy + low frustration tolerance
High insight + low stamina for routine tasks

When adults only notice the strengths, gifted kids feel like their challenges are a personal failure. When we normalize the unevenness, everything changes.

Sharable truth: A strength is not erased by a struggle. A struggle is not cancelled out by a strength. Gifted kids can be both.

Why Does This Matter?

Because parents often blame themselves for the struggle. And gifted kids often blame themselves too.

Understanding the “why” softens the tension and makes room for compassion, connection, and better support.

What You Can Do (Without Adding Pressure)

Supporting a gifted child doesn’t require pushing harder — it requires seeing them clearly and responding gently. Here are practical ways to help your child navigate asynchronous development, masking, boredom, and uneven profiles.

✔ Notice the contradiction — and name it neutrally.

Gifted kids often feel confused or ashamed when their strengths and struggles collide. Your calm, matter-of-fact naming helps them feel normal instead of “wrong.”

Try saying:

“Your brain is working quickly, and your feelings are big right now. That’s a lot to balance.”
“You understood the idea right away, but the steps are still developing — that’s okay.”
“Part of you is ready for more challenges, and part of you is still growing.”

Why this helps: It reduces internal shame and gives them language to understand their experience.

✔ Offer support without shame by coaching the ***skill*, not correcting the child.**

Instead of “You know better than this,” try supportive coaching. Scripts that help:

“Let’s do the first step together, then you try the next one.”
“A reminder doesn’t mean you can’t do it — it means your brain is still practicing.”
“What part feels tricky? Let’s break it down.”
“You don’t have to know every step yet. We’re building that skill.”

Practical scaffolding techniques:

Give a visual checklist
Use timers for short bursts of effort
Help them choose the smallest next step
Model how to restart when they stall

Why this works: Gifted kids often avoid what challenges them emotionally. Scaffolding reduces overwhelm while preserving autonomy.

✔ Create a home environment where masking is unnecessary.

Masking takes enormous emotional energy. Home should be the place where that burden disappears.

What parents can do:

Allow enthusiasm, intensity, and “big feelings” without correction.
Let them info-dump about their interests.
Avoid phrases like “tone it down,” “too much,” or “you’re overreacting.”
Build predictable routines that lower anxiety.
Invite honesty: “You can be your whole self here.”

Try saying:

“It’s okay if you want to talk a lot about this — I know it’s important to you.”
“You don’t have to pretend anything at home.”
“Your excitement is welcome here.”

Why this matters: Authenticity at home builds resilience outside of it.

✔ Match challenge to readiness — not by giving harder work, but by increasing meaning.

Gifted kids disengage when work feels too easy or too overwhelming.

Ways to adjust challenge at home:

Add a twist: “What’s another way to do this?”
Add depth: “Why do you think this matters?”
Add creativity: “Can you show this in a comic strip, diagram, or analogy?”
Add personal meaning: “Where have you seen something like this before?”

Parent scripts:

“Let’s make this more interesting.”
“What part of this could you explore more deeply?”
“What would make this feel like real thinking instead of repeating?”

Why it helps: Gifted kids crave complexity, not quantity.

✔ Normalize spiky profiles by treating unevenness as expected development.

Gifted kids often feel ashamed of the areas where they lag behind.

Try saying:

“Everyone grows unevenly — even adults.”
“Your brain is moving fast in some areas and still stretching in others.”
“Struggling doesn’t mean you’re not gifted. It means you’re human.”

Practical actions that help:

Point out your own uneven skills (“I’m good at planning but still learning technology.”)
Celebrate effort in weaker areas
Avoid comparing siblings or peers
Normalize mistakes as part of skill-building

Why this works: It prevents gifted kids from believing struggle invalidates their giftedness.

Fridge-Worthy Takeaways: WHY GIFTED KIDS SOMETIMES STRUGGLE

Their mind grows faster than their emotions or executive skills.
They mask to fit in — and it’s exhausting.
They need complexity and meaning to stay engaged.
Their strengths don’t cancel out their struggles.
Their struggles don’t cancel out their strengths. Giftedness isn’t smooth. It’s uneven — and that’s normal.

Before You Go — A Quick Note for Parents

If this article made you say, “Oh… that’s my kid,” you’re in the right place. Each week we share one practical, judgment-free article to help you understand your gifted learner with more clarity and more confidence.

And if you know another parent who feels alone in this journey, share this to them — you might be giving them the exact validation they needed today.

If you’d like to comment, I’d love to hear: Which part of this article helped you understand your child’s uneven development or hidden struggles more clearly?

Join Us in Concord

If you’re a parent, caregiver, or guardian of a gifted learner, we invite you to join us for Through the Looking Glass: Parenting Gifted Learners on Friday, March 13, 2026, in Concord, NC.

This morning event is designed specifically for families and will take place alongside the 51st Annual NCAGT Conference. You’ll hear from Dr. Emily King, a child psychologist with over 20 years of experience, and choose from sessions focused on understanding gifted development, navigating IEPs and DEPs, and supporting your child both academically and emotionally.

Whether you’re looking for practical tools, reassurance, or connection with other families who understand this journey, this event is for you. We hope to see you there.

👉 Learn more and register here: https://www.ncagt.org/event-details/through-the-looking-glass-parenting-gifted-learners